DEAR DONALD, ...

In light of all your female bashing, misogynistic, hateful, fat-shaming, lying negativity I am writing to inform you of all of YOUR flaws. 

So let's start with your "Is He Fuckable" score.  On a scale from 1 to 10 ... you're a one.

1.  You're fat. 

     a.  See photo above.  As you accused Alicia Machado, it appears
          that someone loves to eat.  It also appears that someone
          needs to exercise.  Why don't we call a press conference and
          have the world watch you do push-ups!  Yeah.  It will give you
          motivation and incentive to lose those extra 90 lbs. 

2.  You're orange.  Orange is not a tan.  Orange is orange. 

3.  You hair is stupid.  Either shave that thing and get some plugs but for
     the love of GOD stop with the comb over.  You're bald.  Accept it. 
    
4.  You're draft-dodger.  A pussy.  Yellow.  A coward.  A man with no nuts.

This does not constitute, nor does it suffice as "serving your country."  It's called Military SCHOOL.  NOT serving in the Military.

5.  As to your lying accusation that Alicia Machado has made a sex tape ... here we have your THIRD wife ... (there were plenty of other nastier pictures to choose from but I chose to be kind) ...

When you divorce Melania (because you will), you need to give her a LARGE LARGE settlement.  I'd say more than half of your fortune.  Imagine if you will ... you are her.  How would you feel if you had to blow YOU for the last 20 years?  I'd say that is money well earned.  


6.  You do not belong in the 21st Century ... You Donald ... are a Neanderthal.  
     In the worlds of Lisa Lampanelli ... thank God you have money because if 
     you were born broke you'd be fucking her.

Thank you.